August is often a very busy month. It is the time that children and young adults return to school. More often than not it is a stressful time; especially when it is time for our children to leave the nest and step out into the world. They are so eager to go sometimes that we fear that instead of ascending to the clouds, they will go fluttering to the ground. Fortunately, fledglings’ wings strengthen quickly and as soon as they get their bearings they will be soaring.
Many parents struggle with the “empty nest” syndrome. Whether it is the first, middle, or last child there is always anxiety around sending our “baby” out into the world on their own. Of course we want the best for them; never to fail or face hardships. Often, arguments arise between a well-meaning parent and the eager young adult. But all of nature shows us that children must leave their parents and lead their own adult lives. As with birds, sometimes the young ones jump too soon—before their wings are strong enough. With others, they must be coaxed from the nest. Never-the-less, one by one, the young ones try out their wings.
As parents, it is helpful to remember when we were ready to leave home. Whether we were going off to college, the military, or starting a job, we knew it was time to go. Think back to how you felt. Maybe you were a little scared, but think about the hopes, dreams, and ambitions that were fueling you. It was an exciting time. Did you need coaxing to take the leap, or was there just no holding you back? The drive to be autonomous and independent became quite strong. It seemed that your whole life was leading up to being on your own. Finally, your own boss! Had you really known how daunting it would be you might have been less rambunctious. It’s a good thing you didn’t know then all that you know now. The lessons that you learned along the way were important for making you the person whom you are today. Especially the hard lessons; those are always important. Your will, stamina, perseverance, and intelligence were all tested. How else would you learn who you really are and where your strengths and weaknesses lie? And here you are today, wiser for all of your life’s experiences. Undoubtedly, some were not fun, but if you learned from them, then they were good experiences. Bad experiences are the ones we don’t learn from, and we are destined to repeat them until we learn the lesson behind them.
So now, from a tiny helpless baby, you raised up an amazing young man or young woman. You taught them the rules of humanity and society. You helped them understand that they can go out into the world and make a difference. You taught them to believe in themselves and to always strive for the best. Perhaps it has taken nearly half of your life to get to this point (if you started your family at a young age). Raising a child from birth to a young adult is likely the biggest and longest endeavor that you will undertake; especially if you have more than one child. You did your best. Their sorrows were your sorrows and their joys were your joys. And here they stand perched on the edge of the rest of their life. Ready to make the leap because they know they must go. When they were young and small, the nest was comfy and cozy. Now it is too small and the future calls to them.
Some parents believe that once their adult child steps out into the world that their job is done, and they are left feeling useless and without a purpose. But actually, your job is never done. You will always be a parent to your child. Just as your role changed and evolved as your baby grew and developed, so does your role as a parent to an adult child evolve. You become a point of reference to your child; a safe place to rest when the world gets rough, a beacon of encouragement and hope. And you are someone who can truly appreciate their accomplishments. Your approval and belief in them is at the core of their success because it reinforces what they think about themselves. That’s a pretty important role to have.
But still, there is all this time on your hands now that your kids are gone. What now? Let’s go back to when you set out on your own. Of course you had hopes and dreams for your life. And to carry those hopes and dreams, you were building a nest. Your nest is not a physical place, but a vessel of utopian structure that is continually remodeled over one’s lifetime; it is a place of comfort and rest. It is where you keep your hopes and dreams, and where you plan your future; the supporting framework of your life. Many dreams lived simultaneously together, while others waited for their own space and time. When baby and parenthood entered the nest some major remodeling took place. To make room, some of those hopes and dreams got packed away or put in the corner. Raising baby took center stage. After a while, those other things were forgotten or became less important.
After years spent being focused on raising your kids and preparing them for adulthood, here they stand on the edge of the nest ready to take wing. They are only looking forward. They don’t know it yet, but they are about to start building a nest of their own. When you look back at your own nest it looks empty. But it’s all there. Your other hopes and dreams that you packed away are still a part of the structure. It is time to unpack and remodel. It’s time to bring your focus back onto yourself. Some dreams will be replaced as you are now older and wiser. Some new dreams may appear. Some dreams can be revived and renewed. Are you married? How would you like your love life to be? Date each other. Remember why you fell in love. Remember what drew you together in the first place. Plan for your future. You can completely remodel or just make some updates.
Your kids will be fine. And they need you to be fine. It may not look like they are watching, but they are. Celebrate their achievements, and know that life is a series of experiences. Help them see that the only bad ones are the ones they don’t learn from. They are still learning from you. And when they are parents, they will bring their kids to the place that first held their own hopes and dreams. And you will welcome them with grace and understanding that every life has purpose beyond what you see and feel at the moment. So you see, your nest is never really empty.
